Curtis' Journal

1:19am: it has been a while.
Things have been pretty shittly lately. things with me and jen are ok now for a while I was worried but now it is allright were good friends and that makes me smile. I think she liek my friends yes all of them lol. hey what ever makes her happy. School sux alot I am gonna fail nuff said. somone today told em I needed to eb on prozac maybe I will look into it oh well if not I can just be me. Oh well no biggie so much I think that can't be siad to many know of my page...

12:52pm: The way it goes.
Life always works out aginst me. See I have been riding high latley I have jen and a job witch makes me happy. and I have money for stuff. it was all working out for a while then yesterday happened. Stuff at home happened I am not gonna go into alot of detail. then there was a mistake witch put a tired and rushed me at work an hour early *growl*. so I sat there and then they needed my help so I started helping like 20 min early my aunt (the manager) was workign saw this and told me just to punch in if I was gonna be helping. I spent a hecktic day doing everyone elses crap jobs. and on top of that it poured all over me and I got all wet. I went to jen's after work this did not please my mom. oh well. we didn't talk to much but that is ok I don't know why but jsut being around her helps make my day better. I realy hope things work out ok for her I just feel like I am not doing somthign to help that I could be. it is awful and driving me crazy. I was almost ready to kiss her but I felt guilty knowign how her day went and the tumult of emotions she was having I didn't know if it would help or hurt. so as usual my emotions led me not to I guess it is a good thing I realy colden't stand hurting her emotionaly. It would make me feel so bad. maby once she has things all figured out... well it took me forever to write this I am so easily distracted today oh well. will update later.

Cya
Curtis.

12:16am: WOW!!!
I was having a realy bad day today I felt liek shit and it jsut kept getting worse I mean holy mother of bad but then jen called...... we talked for like 2 hrs and I noticed somthing. when I am around her or even talking to her everything seems ok. I have come to belive she is my silver lining. I hope this dosen't creep her out to much as she will probbly be reading this but what is guy to do. this is the only place where I can get all my true feelings out cause I am to spinless to do it anywhere else.

2:52pm: My so called life.
this being my first entry I will give you a quick recap of my life up till now. well basicly it is 17 years of complet shit with a few bright lineings. yes it is true I was abused as a child not physcaly mind you but mentaly. now i know some of you were abused as children and might be thinking right now that I had it easy but trust me the damage done to me by that person will last longer than any bruise or broken bone could. well lets jump foward to like 3 weeks ago. I was all bumed out cause my summer job plans flopped big time. so i went job hunting. like 12 aplications and only one call Arby's. well at first I was kinda bumed not my first choice but it was a job. So I went and it was ok I worked with alot of people and realy like one girl but she was having relationship problems and I thought she was going out with this guy named mike. so as usual I was being a coward and said nothing well bout a weak ago come to find out that they wern't going out and before I could build up the courage she asked me to the fair. I had a great time and we were dating. jump to last night now here is a display of my cowardice side at it's best. I have been dating her for just under a weak and I know if I kiss her it won't be offensive. I just am afraid I will some how mess things up so bad that I can't do it as much as I want to and as much as I try I can't build up the nerve to do it. but over all the last 3 weaks of my life have probbly been the best thus far and since I started going out with jen I have been in shere heaven I can't seem to spend enough time with her. :) I liek her alot but well... I still can't figure how I deserve her. we I am out I will update some time in the future.